Questioning Myself

I know I have so much to learn. Even to unlearn. I know that I am nothing yet everything. I’m beginning to question everything that I thought I knew about myself. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t know if that’s because I am beginning to unlock a new level of myself which is forcing me to redefine who I am to re-understand myself and where I stand. Both to myself and to everyone around me.

Now I find myself out here questioning everything, trying to find answers for things but not knowing where to even begin looking for the answers. It’s all very frustrating and I can’t properly articulate the annoyance I feel at myself. I somehow feel like I don’t quite know myself again but then again, I do. What I guess I don’t know is how me now knowing myself fits into everything else. Including my religion, my community, my family, within friendships and within my relationships.

I know I don’t take criticism well. I feel like everything I know myself to be is being attacked. Not just by other people but most importantly by myself. And once again, it is frustrating, but I guess it is all part of the journey.

I know I just need to know how to be more open to learn. Learn more about myself and everyone and everything around me. But yet again I am afraid, because I know you can’t choose what you open yourself up to specifically and I know if I want to be open to learn I have to be vulnerable. Which I guess is powerful and strong but nonetheless scary.

Sigh.

NBA: this is again another page in my journal, that I wanted to share. Sorry it’s been so long, I have so much to update you guys on because there have been so many new changes in my life, hence the post above.

Anyways, thank you all for reading and remaining patient with me.

Lots of love,

Sofiyyat Ayinla x

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